Unbelievable!

Why do babies have to die, it is not right. Just not right. I read a line written by a dad to another dad and mom who are loosing their baby and he said: "Love on that little girl because the memories are what you will hold on to, not the struggles!" That struck me. Making memories, and living, the struggles will fall to the wayside. It is unbelievable to me that babies have to die. Why? They are innocent, pure, love. They have their life ahead of them. It makes me so confused and frustrated. My mind wants to make sense of things, and this is something I can not make sense of. Lots of cuss words come to mind, but no sense comes to mind. None of us are promised another breath. It makes me want to live in this moment, making decisions that enable as much time as possible to be with my lovely kiddos and dear husband. To enjoy their company, bask in our relationships and love and family because I want to live without any regrets. I can not say I have none at this point, I have some not so proud moments, times I have gotten frustrated. Abby calls it "snapped' because I will say, "Sorry I am snapping so much" and then I will have some lame excuse as to why I have "snapped". LAME! Life is hear to live, I made Jason get this Apple pie at Costco, because it looked good to him, and he said, "Nah, we don't need it, its excessive" I said, "get the PIE! Life is to live, lets enjoy it and eat an Apple pie, why the heck not!" Best pie, so good. But we need to retrain ourselves to live. That is my goal. Sense I will never make sense of the things of the world that I can not make sense of I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and living, loving my kids, and looking heavenward for answers.

why do I love or hate blogs.....

I started this blog years ago, and hardly ever kept up on it. For one, who has time really to do it, and do it well. I know many amazing women who do and are very good at what they do with it. But seriously, at the end of the day it is not likely that I have a ton of amazing wisdom to share or moments to reflect on thoughtfully. I am too tired! Part of it is, it has to become a habit. Yeah, let me go ahead and add another thing to my list I am thinking right now. You never know. Maybe it wont stick, maybe it will. Only time will tell. In some ways I love blogs, a venue to share thoughts, without any arguments like Facebook, allows for some interaction with comments, but it is more of a one way street. I like reading blogs that lift me up, that encourage me, that give me good ideas, good recipes. Then, dreadfully, there are the blogs that just make me think, boy, I am like the total worst most boring lame person in the world. The blogger has these amazing pictures that look professional, amazing stories, from what I can tell a perfectly clean house (HA!) and just the most perfect darn life you ever did see. She can kiss my ass. Just kidding. But yeah, those blogs fully get me down. We compare ourselves with eachother and that is so damaging. I remember once at a MOPS meeting (you know those right) they were talking about how we compare our private life inside our home to other public life, like what they look like all fixed up for a get together and we are like what....you blow dry your hair in the 100% humidity! Yeah, no, it is probably not been washed in 3 days or 5 days who knows, and her kid finally took a long enough nap for her to finally do something for herself. Who the heck knows, but it is hard to see others that look like they just have this whole life thing, this whole mom thing all figured out. And that friends, is what I hate about blogs. So, the lesson for me is to read the ones that inspire me, and mentally burn the ones that get me down. For some reason our human nature makes it hard, because we keep wanting to turn to look at the train wreck, we want to see what fabulous thing they did today, how perfect her kids look, how amazing her life simply is. And it's not, and you tell yourself that, but you look just one more time. A friend once told me when I told her I do this, and I hate it, she said I had to replace it with something else that I can choose to do instead. I need to listen to her. :) I will try and blog reality in my life. I may come across one day that things are perfect....just know, they are not. It just so happened that day that things went my way and I was able to pull it all together. By the next day you may just see a mess on the page and remember I am so on the journey trying to figure it out and there is no way I will have it all together any time soon. My goal in life: to be an amazing grandma and have it all figured out by then. :) stay tuned for that. By then blogs will be so 2012 and laptops non existent. So, I hate blogs and love them and you might love mine or hate it. One more reason I love it, for myself anyway. I went back and read some old ones I had written. I loved it, it was like a time machine that brought me right back to that moment. It was a tangible way to see where God has taken us in the last 5 years. That was so cool and so priceless. As for now I am getting over a cold, Abby and I are trying to figure out what homeschooling means to us and how it works best for us, Boston is cutting more teeth, good grief almighty, and Jason is heading off to Cedia Expo in Indiana in 2 days. We have our work cut out for us, I must say. On the other side of the coin, our house is peaceful, my kids are sweet most of the time, our view is killer, my husband is a hard working loving guy who puts us first, we have a zillion things to be thankful for. So I will stop reading lame blogs and replace it with blogging real life. xoxo